or knot

There's a big knot in my right shoulder. Left over scar tissue from a slide down the stairs one day in my slippers (quite appropriately named). But I can't blame it all on the yanked shoulder. I think it's probably just as due to years of semi-cringing. That slight raise of the shoulders, accompanied by nervous tension. As the knot refused to release, I had to contemplate what I was holding onto so tightly - fiercely, really. Ironically, or maybe not, what kept coming into my head was fear. I was/am fiercely clinging to fear. I'm much more a fan of paradox when it doesn't involve my body, or pain.


Gentle me, Holy One, into an unclenched moment... These are Ted Loder's words, not mine. Part of a prayer that I've turned into a mantra over the years. What would it be like, though, to live unclenched? I can't quite fathom it. I think that this is something to ponder, as I wait and watch and prepare for Christmas.

December 1

Hello and Happy December! In this season of dark days and twinkling lights, of celebration and loneliness, of hope and all else, I'm struck by how much of the season's focus is "out there" rather than inward. Waiting and watching happen inside as we look out to events that shape us, but what about taking a moment (or more) to notice the reverse? How what's happening within is shaping life around us? How this time between holidays, between dark and light, could also be an opportunity to check in, re-group, and re-imagine? What if we took a deep breath or two before doing the next thing? Mary pondered, after all. It says so in our Advent story. Maybe we, too, could do the same. I'm willing to give it a go... Are you?