or knot

There's a big knot in my right shoulder. Left over scar tissue from a slide down the stairs one day in my slippers (quite appropriately named). But I can't blame it all on the yanked shoulder. I think it's probably just as due to years of semi-cringing. That slight raise of the shoulders, accompanied by nervous tension. As the knot refused to release, I had to contemplate what I was holding onto so tightly - fiercely, really. Ironically, or maybe not, what kept coming into my head was fear. I was/am fiercely clinging to fear. I'm much more a fan of paradox when it doesn't involve my body, or pain.


Gentle me, Holy One, into an unclenched moment... These are Ted Loder's words, not mine. Part of a prayer that I've turned into a mantra over the years. What would it be like, though, to live unclenched? I can't quite fathom it. I think that this is something to ponder, as I wait and watch and prepare for Christmas.